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IMPORTANT STUFF BELOW
Russia condemns Israel’s “indiscriminate” fire against the “civilian population” in Gaza.
It is commonly known that Moscow hates violence and would never use excessive force, except in Afghanistan, Chechnya, Georgia, Ukraine, Syria, against annoying journalists and exiled double agents.
Kremlin spokesperson Vladimir Pogromchik: “We condemn Israel for killing 10 armed Gaza terrorists. Thanks to our restraint, only 160,000 people were killed in Chechnya. Since we love animals, we support our eye doctor friend, “Animal Assad".”
Russia is upset that Israel did not inform Moscow ahead of its military operation in Syria. Will Russia show the way? “Hi Donald, this is KGB Vlad. There is an annoying journalist that will unfortunately have an accident today after drinking spiced Russian Earl Grey tea.”
During an emergency UN Security Council meeting initiated by Kuwait, Israel was condemned for causing the breakup between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Sputnik-Kim’s North Korean cat “Mushroom Cloud” choked on a fish bone after a huge meteorite struck the Sea of Japan. EU’s foreign policy chief Federica Mogherini accused Israel of “disproportionate force” and demanded “freedom of assembly” in Gulag.
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